Auditing the complexities of contemporary adult interpersonal communication

A couple of months ago I was going about my business in the CBD (for the record, I am not a window-washer) when two business-type blokes walking in front of me who were heatedly discussing something came to an abrupt stop. Before I had a chance to walk clumsily into them, one turned sharply to the other and said,

"Oh, look I've had it. Just bottom-line me will you?"

When the other bloke gave him a passive stare in response and muttered some kind of outcome/figures nexus that made no sense to me, I figured it was a new kind of business speak, sort of a "cut to the chase" for a new millenium.

Not, as I had first thought, something involving anal sex and cocaine.

Although with those business types, I guess anything is possible. I've seen 'Wall Street', I know what goes on.

I am finding myself now (following "my third birthday with a '0' in it", as my parents tactfully put it) very concerned when I hear new words in use in the world around me.

It's not really technological language or new words to emphasise all that is cutting edge (although I wouldn't presume to know what any of those are, I'm just happy with my requisite cache of faintly cringe-worthy throw-away lines). It's more the use of words in a totally new and inappropriate way that bothers me.

Which is why I am horrified to report that yesterday, in a job interview, I described myself as "potentially a lynchpin". What the hell did I mean by that? If I don't understand it, is it possible any of the panel did?

Better words I could have used to describe the position I was seeking include:

1. conduit (thesaurus says also: waterway, channel, stream)
2. resource (thesaurus says also: reserve, supply, source)
3. harbinger (of doom?)
4. "ugly, red, source of all evil"


I could obsess about this. Yes, that seems like a good idea.

OK Alright Uh Huh Oh Yeah

Everyone has their favourite songs, and probably most of us could come up with mix-tapes (or something IPod-related, I don't go in for this new-fangled technology) for different occasions. It's certainly a common theme amongst my friends to idly consider what songs we might have played at our funerals (as long as it's nothing by James Blunt).

Byron was blogging recently about latent emotions coming to the surface when you become a parent, and while I think this is true for me in many ways (e.g. am now a complete sap), some music has had an impact on me that predates parenting.

There are lots of other songs that evoke an emotional response in people, but these are the ones that, without fail, never cease to elicit a physical reaction from me - something vaguely queasy, excited, nervous, raw.

1. 'From Little Things, Big Things Grow' - Paul Kelly
One of the things that gets me with this is the simplicity of it. It tells a story that's an important part of our history, and the imagery of it is so clearly matched to the images of history that it hits you like a great big kick in the guts. I find it difficult to sing along to this one: the line "through Vincent's hand, poured a fist full of sand" makes me want to weep.

2. 'God Only Knows' - The Beach Boys
Can't say I've ever been a huge Beach Boys fan, and Brian Wilson in his current incarnation creeps me out. But when I saw 'Love, Actually', I was astonished to discover that this song had had a similar effect on someone else. For anyone who has ever entertained romantic notions, this is the zenith, but there is also an implicit sense of loss. If I ever hear it on the radio (unlikely, unless my Dad has tuned the radio in to Gold) I crank it way up and I find it both glorious and sad all at the same time.

3. 'Turn and Run' - Neil Finn
This man has a way with words, there can be no argument. "The tumbleweed runs/over my desert heart". Stunning.

4. 'Song from the Sixteenth Floor' - Paul Kelly
My sister and I once played this song five times in a row just to hear the guitar fill in the middle of the song. I don't know what it is about it, but it gets me every time. It's just so damn cheerful.

5. 'Nature Boy' - as covered by David Bowie/Massive Attack
Nature Boy is a nursery rhyme, a children's tale, that like 'The Little Prince' layers meaning upon meaning. And I think what makes me particularly uneasy about this cover version is the uncertainty in the marrying of Massive Attack's soundscape and the sweetness of the central lyrical theme - there's something faintly menacing about it.

6. Golden Slumbers - The Beatles
And in the end/the love you take/is equal to the love you make.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Representing North America....

Need I say more?

I like their old stuff better than their new stuff

There is a day in all lives when you realise that you cannot possibly like any more new music.

I'm not convinced this is a conscious decision. But it happens. One of my friends observed to me recently that owning the next-to-most recent White Stripes album and playing it occasionally was the only thing that kept at bay her sneaking suspicion that she is no longer cool*.

One day, I might wake up and think:

"You know who I really like? That lovely young (insert boy band here)"

And of course the counter-point to this is a frightening but seemingly unavoidable deletion of any sense of cool or decorum you might have when you find yourself tapping your foot and humming along to (for crying out loud) Janet Jackson's 'Rhythm Nation'**.

I KNOW that this is nostalgia - because five years ago I would have rather dropped dead than admit in a public place that I even recognised 'Rhythm Nation' let alone knew enough of it to sing along. But to mis-quote Samuel Johnson, "nostalgia is the last refuge of the moron" - and as we get older it appears we grow increasingly moronic***.

The chances of achieving a hideous taste in music (or at least a perceived hideous taste in music) are, I suspect, increased by procreation. Grizzlewick will only tolerate my musical taste until he reaches puberty, at the very latest. At that point I expect him to embark on the requisite metal phase visited upon most young boys.

I intend to go with the flow on this one.

Mr Fix has already been heard to mutter "Do you really even LIKE Judas Priest?" in the direction of young boys he sees wearing metal t-shirts. Between that and the "Yeah, Budd? I saw them in 1992"-style anecdotes, there are hours of parental torture to be had during that phase of young Grizzlewick's life.

But I'm sure it will only take a withering stare and a slice of "What would you know, parents? You like Wolfmother!"

And then we'll be obliged to point out that he used to like Wolfmother.

And then he'll say, "At least I was only three".

Just like I did, when my parents told me how much I used to like Kiss.




* A point on which I obviously disagree. But what would I know? I'm a moron.

** For the record I don't own a copy of 'Rhythm Nation'. And also, I blame the Rock Eisteddfod.

*** Present company excepted, naturellement.

(Glad I'm not) a Kennedy?

On a recent trip to Canberra, I was somewhat amused to hear the Shona Laing track '(Glad I'm not) a Kennedy'.

For one, I would have thought that is the kind of song that is so hideously dated that it is astonishing it's still on anyone's playlists (although regional radio is the home of ongoing royalties cheques for artists like Tom Petty and Daryl Braithwaite).

However, I suppose I have to thank Ms Laing for something, the song got me to thinking about Robert F. Kennedy and the destiny that his assassination left, to many people's minds, unfulfilled.

RFK was, to my mind, one of those archetypal political "good guys". His more radical civil rights agenda was the catalyst for JFK's public action on segregation and civil rights (despite his somewhat worrying approval of wire-taps on Martin Luther-King).

It was RFK, as Attorney-General, who ordered the troops to the University of Mississippi to ensure that James Meredith could enrol there and ensured that the Freedom Riders to the South had as much Federal protection as he could muster in the face of racist bigotry and violence.

As a Senator, Robert Kennedy also virtually coined the term "disaffected", to describe minorities whose lives were so very distant from the actions of government, and those who most needed its support. He represented New York in its entirety, visiting slums and working with local communities to build government support programs that helped desperately poor communities access education and jobs.

What would the United States be like now if he had been elected the President? Would his Presidency have ensured a social justice agenda that united the country for the long-term? Or would he have, as his brother did, fallen prey to the glossing over that denies the strength of true change and inevitably delays its full effect?

Robert Kennedy is significant to me, because he was not only a champion of those who really need the support of government, but also because he expressed his support for this constituency in a way that we've lost. Talking about social justice, or building social capital, or achieving equity is, in many circles, bound to have you derided as a left-wing nutter with a crazy brand of Marxism in your eyes.

It also reminds me of a scene from 'Primary Colours':

"It must have been very different when my grandfather was alive," Henry Burton (Adrian Lester) tells Mrs. Stanton (Emma Thompson). "Hey, you were there. You had Kennedy. I didn't. I've never heard a president use words like 'destiny' and 'sacrifice' without it being bullshit. And, okay, maybe it was bull with Kennedy too, but ... but, people believed it. And, I guess, that's what I want. I want to believe it."

Homonyms ate my baby

Some time ago, I was in a random conversation with a dude from the music world.

Being a generous type of lass, I casually asked him what he had been doing lately.

He answered that he had been "supporting the cause".

This tickled my fancy.

I also thought it was pretty admirable, and wanted to share his particular interest with other people (see? I’m lovely).

However, he wasn’t such a well-known music dude that the limelight had identified him as being the promoter of anything specific.

Therefore, I thought it complete reasonable to ask

“Which one?”

Silence.

After a rather generous gap, he repeated that his band had been supporting THE CORRS.



I have never, never gotten over this.

In your face, crusty old philosopher dudes!

In light of my new-found maturity and wisdom (patent pending), I have a new philosophical theory for the world, which may soon appear on bumper stickers all across the planet.




I believe there are two kinds of people in this world.

People who think

"There are two kinds of people in this world".....





















....and people who don't.

That's what I call "A Sticky Situation"

A few years ago while at the now-defunct Brunswick Street Festival, one of my friends observed to me a universal truth.

That truth is that most of the best food in the world comes on sticks.

I had to think about this for a while, but it didn’t take long before I accepted the veracity of his statement.

So I share with you, my guide to the world of “food on a stick”.


Food that belongs on a stick

Satays

Fairy floss (especially if you have, like I do, an over-developed interest in the movie Grease)

Paddle pops

Toffee apples

Barbecued prawns

Fruit kebabs

Fondue bread, strawberries and frankly anything to be dipped into chocolate

Chupa Chups

Churros (sort of a stick of their own really)


Food that could be improved by being placed on a stick

Felafel – much easier to handle than a souvlaki

Meatballs (see above)

Sushi (I figure it’s only a matter of time before some enterprising catering company comes up with this)

Ferrero Rocher (can’t see that these can be much improved, but think of the sense of festivity and occasion that eating a chocolate of a stick would bring)


Food that probably can’t be placed on a stick

Spaghetti Bolognese

Soup (although you could probably try it with condensed soup but if you’re going to do that, why not stab yourself in the eye with a pen for recreational purposes?)

Tacos


Food you should never place on a stick

Tripe

Spam (this frankly is an extension of the spamburger of which I do not approve*)

Poached eggs

Vodka (it keeps slipping off, and sucking a stick for its alcohol content is not to be recommended…the splinters are a killer)


You'll notice that there's no mention of the Australian institution, the "dagwood dog" here. I don't personally believe it deserves its place in the pantheon of excellent stick-related food, but I suppose millions of show-goers can't be wrong.

It’s not just the food that comes on a stick after all, it’s the environment in which we partake of food on sticks – usually some crowded, sensory-overload experience which may or may not end in a joyous session of overindulgence and, if you’re very lucky, a charming boy like Mr Fix rubbing your tummy while you groan that you will NEVER NEVER NEVER eat another veggie burger on a stick, EVER AGAIN.


* Please do not take this to mean that I approve of the spamburger. I don't.

"You can't handle the truth!"

Jack Nicholson and Kim Jong-Il.


ARE THEY THE SAME PERSON?

Consider the evidence:

1. Never seen in the same room together

2. Penchant for blu-blockers

3. Both trying desperately to remain relevant by flashing:

a) winnng smile or

b) nuclear test threats

It's our rabbit. Leave her she will come home by herself!

Bureaucrats of the world!


What do we make of this sign in a back alley in Fitzroy? Let us undertake a SWOT analysis of its effectiveness....


Strengths
Rabbit develops independence and strong character due to its owners' trust of its capability to navigate back streets of Fitzroy


Weaknesses
Rabbit develops "latch-key" syndrome


Opportunities
Rabbit cassoulet at my house?


Threats
Junkie rabbit beats me over the head with lump of 4x2 and steals my wallet to buy crack