Free the Refugees: just don't give them any of my toys

For your reading pleasure, I give you an interview with Grizzlewick, son and heir*....

Gigglewick: Will you tell the good people your name?

My name is Grizzlewick. And my other name is Grizzlewick Gigglewick Fix. And your name is Mummy and your other name is Grizzlewick.

Gigglewick: How are you enjoying being three years old?

I don’t want to get older. When I am four, after that I will be seven and then I will be three again. When I am bigger, I will go in the passenger seat and when you are smaller, you will go in the baby seat.

Gigglewick: Are you looking forward to moving to the country?

Yes. But Mummy, you want to give my toys to kids from the scary place [editors note: war-torn countries – some of Grizzlewick’s toys are going to a refugee support service]. When the kids come from the scary place they don’t got any toys at all and they have to have my toys but only my babytoys and I will keep the big kids toys.

Gigglewick: You seem to like Matchbox cars a lot…

Yes. I like cars. What do you want for Christmas? Do you want a shiny red car?

Gigglewick: That would be nice. But I’m supposed to be asking the questions. How are all your friends going?

I like my friends. I like Aunty Doc and Pa and Nana and Blondie and Bladder and Lucas.

Gigglewick: What happens when people aren't your friends?

Then I will put fire on them. Fire fire fire. And I will pick them up and throw them over the fence. To the neighbours.

Gigglewick: Ouch. That doesn't sound very nice...

But they are all my friends. And they can come to my birthday in the Australian bush and we will have a train cake.

Gigglewick: You seem very influenced by music. Who are your favourite bands?

I like Wolfmother and (Franz) Ferdinand. And 'Swish you well'. And Dr Worm. We like that one, don't we Mummy? And my favourite Wiggles is 'Brickplaying Song' and 'Fruit Salad'.

Gigglewick: Er yes. Any other news?

Ernie the cat did scratch me and I said "No Ernie" and he had to go outside and I didn't give him a special treat. I love Ernie. I want to pat him.



* Ha ha ha. Sucked in, Grizzlewick. As the song says, "Tooralee, tooralee, all I can spare....are only six ribbons for tying back your hair". And your hair isn't even that long, you poor little bugger.

Has to be something worth fighting for

Overnight, something put Shane Howard's 'No Dams' anthem, 'Let the Franklin Flow' in my mind.


O Tasmania
The hardest heart could understand
Just to feel your wilderness
The silence sing to me

Let the Franklin flow
Let the wildlands be
The Wilderness should be strong and free
Kutakina - to the southwest shore
Has to be something worth fighting for

We fell the forests
And we scar the land
It has to be something worth fighting for
Desecrated with greedy hands
Destroy the beauty that nature planned

Let the Franklin flow, let the wildlands be
The Wilderness should be strong and free
Kutakina - to the southwest shore
Has to be something worth fighting for

A thousand people arrested and bailed
Has to be something worth fighting for
Voices crying in the wilderness
Saying this is something worth fighting for


I know a lot of people will be voting Green on Saturday.

Despite my strong Labor roots, I did a bit of soul-searching about this election and what it might mean for Victoria.

I hate the way that Conservative interests write off Green/Left politics as some kind of indulgent "watermelon marxism". I hate the way that, when Labor presents good policy on environmental issues they are accused of pandering to hippies.

Ultimately though, the idea of the Liberals winning Government has filled me with a real sense of dread and an ongoing stomach-flutter that I suspect suggests I will have to get very drunk on Saturday morning and stay that way until Monday so that the suspense doesn't cause me to drop dead. So I'll be voting Labor (before I get drunk).

I did check out the details of the Labor Environment Policy, to whit:

"Labor will create a new Cobboboonee National Park and Forest Park outside Portland to preserve the valuable Cobboboonee Forest"

"A re-elected Labor Government will immediately protect the remaining significant stands of old growth forest in Victoria, including the Goolengook Block, by adding them to the National Parks system. This will add another 33,500 hectares of State Forest currently available to the timber industry to the National Park system"

"Labor will create the Great Victorian Alpine National Park by adding a 5000 hectare section of State Forest currently available for logging to link the Errinundra National Park to the Snowy River and Alpine National Parks and pursue World Heritage Listing of a Great Alpine National Park in partnership with the ACT and NSW"

"Labor will immediately add 2,500 hectares of icon State Forest in East Gippsland currently available for logging to the National Parks and reserve system"

"Labor will provide $7 million to buy back the iconic Cores and Links area in the Strezlecki Ranges to be vested with the Trust for Nature for future conservation"

Creating National Parks is good. It's vital in protecting wilderness areas. And given Victoria's economic growth, there is no need to shy away from it.

I'm confident that Bracks and the ALP take the environment seriously. And I think their agenda on health and education can't be beat.

I'm not trying to start a fist-fight in the comments (if indeed there are any). Like most other things, I've thought a lot about this (possibly too much).

Geeze.

Joke quotient = 0.

Sorry about that.

Heard it through the grapevine (of doom)

One of the things I had failed to factor in to a move to the country is the ever-present country grapevine.

I have now run into three different friends from "the old days" (TM) and two of them have already been well aware of my impending return to the area.

And of course, they're all like

"Dude, WTF!?! Our town will be so much better with you on the scene! LOLZ!!!1!1"

Erhum. Well. I don't know if that's what they're thinking or not. I like to make the best of things, so that's my interpretation.

And to be perfectly frank, one of the reasons I'm moving to the country is to get some goddamn rest.

The job I work now has a high level of stress and my "ambition"* at the moment is to reduce that stress, not increase it.

This is something that at least some of my friends should be able to empathise with, having made similar decisions themselves.

It's fair to say that any raised eyebrows regarding my move will be met with a shrug and secret joyous dancing at the prospect of working a job with

a. regular hours
b. limited, well-paid overtime
c. unlimited access to the beach any time I damn well choose to go (outside working hours)

One thing I've learnt through living in Melbourne for 12 years is that urban dwellers (specifically St Kilda-ites, of which I was one for a short time) are under the mistaken impression that what we have in Melbourne are beaches. They are not beaches. They are strips of sand (or sometimes, rocks) with dirty water. Don't get me wrong, I love Soul Mama as much as the next girl, and have had many a pleasant fish-and-chipper from Half Moon Bay, but I would rather hit the beach with a sweaty salami sandwich and a frozen bottle of cordial if the beach I'm heading to looks like this:




In other news, it occurred to me with some dread today that if I move back to the country under a state Liberal Government it will be like I never left:

Services - gone
Funding to communities - gone
Quality free education for the under-18s - gone
Rail/bus services - gone

Please please please good people of Victoria do not let this happen.


I'M WARNING YOU......

love,

Gigglewick


* one of my less than subtle colleagues thought she'd share with me her view that I was "too ambitious to move to the country". I have no idea what this means but suspect it is one of those "for GOD'S SAKE GIGGLEWICK, GET ON THE FAST TRACK AND STAY THERE YOU FOOL" type pronouncements.

Random observations #1

1. I have heard 'Landslide' by Fleetwood Mac (not, as some would have you believe, the Dixie Chicks) three times in three different locations recently, none of them my own house

My friend Kayzee* reckons this is "an election omen". I say: if I see Steve Bracks' reflection in a snow covered hill, then maybe....


2. Journalistic prescience (TM) rules my life/blog

Thankfully I remembered to put on make up/brush my hair/pull myself together today before running into a friend I hadn't seen in seven years. While he did not suspect I was on run from the law, he nevertheless might have implied pretty strongly that I was mental to return to the country.

...

What you're hearing now is the dulcet tones of the pot screeching at the kettle

"YOU'RE BLACK, YOU FOOL!!!! BLACK!!!!!!"

I have a strong suit in diplomacy. That is why I didn't point out his obvious oversight. That.....and the fact that I find the whole Movember thing very disconcerting.


3. I love small(ish) town record stores

They have no idea what is current/cool/trendy and cannot price worth a damn. As I am quickly moving towards nostalgia (the last refuge of the moron) I was able to buy 'The Best of' The Cure, 'Hits' by Joni Mitchell and 'Mezzanine' by Massive Attack for less than $30. Take that, JB Hi Fi.

Also it made me smile that the town of my youth has embraced goth gods HIM, while retaining its love of all things 'Dead Kennedy'.


4. It is a really '90s thing to add "-core" to the end of anything in order to create a new genre.

I came across this phenomenon anew when googling a friend's band name. Although not particularly musical, my lifestyle will heretofore be known as "beach-core". Grizzlewick's life can probably be encapsulated as "Matchbox car-core", and Mr Fix's life "Mopar-core".


5. I have a new house

It is the right size and in the right place (price could be better, but you can't have everything). I am reliably informed JUST TODAY by Kettle that the students of the high school two blocks away are in regular attendance at the town's casualty wards following their shenanigans. Nice to know that drinking on the grounds of your school (after hours, of course) hasn't gone out of fashion.


6. Ms Fits gives good advice

Think "damning the eyes" of a couple of my less-loved work colleagues might be just what they need. Also think removalists arriving next day probably used to very-hung-over house moving types. Sadly I am not one of those together, fresh looking yummy mummies you see about the place**, although perhaps with a bit more time to myself I could become one. I'm sure Mr Fix would approve, although he would be too polite/scared to say anything of the sort to my face.


7. I have a new fitness goal

It is to run a 10km event in January 2008. I figure this is enough time to get in shape for it - had fleeting and somewhat ill-advised thoughts of entering this year, but then realised that I was/am a damn, damn fool. I am pleased however that new house is in cycling distance of new job.


8. Hanging around with my former boss/mentor in a strange town is a good way to burn through $150, spent predominantly on toys

I bought 'Star Wars' Monopoly for Mr Fix and a bunch of fridge magnets for Grizzlewick's Christmas stocking. The force is now with me and my evil capitalist ways. She also tried to talk me into buying shiny blue shoes to "go with that suit you're going to buy". Didn't happen: partly because I'm not stupid/brave enough to buy shoes before buying an outfit and partly because of my aforementioned hatred of shoe-shopping.


9. I am very, very tired

In retrospect, choosing to take only four days between my current job and my new one, into which I must also fit moving my entire family/house/pets/etc was possibly stupid.




* Kayzee, what do you think of your new nickname? I'll come up with a better one if you would prefer: open to suggestions.

** Or am I? No.

Cool. Weak. Sweet.

Cool

Eating excellent tasty pho

Weak

Smelling like week-old pho after spilling it on my jacket

Sweet

Great excuse to buy new jacket


Cool

Finding a house that includes in the description: "main bedroom with walk in robe, ensuite, bathroom with spa"

Weak

Having to ransack the house for a bottle of white-out* after making a mistake on the rental application form

Sweet

Despite all my blog-related grammatical foibles, I am an excellent writer of the "application cover letter", designed to ease the mind of real estate agents and owners alike


Cool

CD I bought today on "surprise special" at Big W, the home of inexplicable music choices (one day they have wall-to-wall Young Divas, the next day they've got Death Cab for Cutie....seriously, is their purchaser on crack?)

Weak

Spilling pho on my brand new liner notes, which are also weak in the sense that they can offer me no new trivia to seem like a clever-pants during conversation with muso-types

Sweet

Put new CD in work computer, found CD I had been looking for for ages.


Cool

Getting around in my mum's car on the weekend

Weak

Crashing my mum's car after being pushed off the road and into four-inch-deep gravel by a truck

Sweet

Have outstanding and heretofore unknown "emergency driving" chops which prevented me from

a) rolling the car or
b) ploughing into a tree

and instead only slightly broke a wooden fence and only slight (i.e. scratches) damage to car and no damage whatsoever to occupants of said car. Phew.


Anyone else feel like I'm having more than my fair share of excitement lately? I certainly do.




* I'm amazed that white-out still exists. Even more amazed that we own any.

Don't have time to chat, I'm off to run on the beach, water-ski, and ride horses wearing white pants. Yes, I'm THAT "confident"

I would have thought that a sure-fire way to have a

"Oh my goodness, where have you been I haven't seen you in ten years!"


Subtext: WHAT IS SHE WEARING?

Subtext: HAHAHAHA SHE PUT ON WEIGHT

Subtext: WHY IS SHE HERE, IS SHE ON THE RUN FROM THE LAW

experience (inevitable: lots of people I went to school with live in and around the town I am moving to)

was to go to the local Priceline and stock up with what might have appeared to be seven years' worth of sanitary products.

I was wrong.

I am ever so slightly disappointed by this, but can't figure out if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

There are more embarrassing reunion scenarios.

I suppose I COULD run into the boy I had a teenage-crush on when arriving for a pap-smear.

But that seems unlikely - I suspect he is a farmer now, making him a gynaecologist of an entirely different sort.


Other observations:

1. Grizzlewick and I had a lunch that cost us $8 for one elaborate and one non-elaborate sandwich and drinks. Neat.

2. I had a long conversation yesterday with a woman who was inspecting the same house as we were. That would never happen in Melbourne. The last house-inspections we went to, everyone was concentrating on figuring out ways to discredit each other with the real estate agent or failing that, slit each others' throat so that they could get the house in question first.

3. That child o'mine (sweet?) is very patient. He sat through six hours of driving from one house to the next and never never never having the joy of his parents saying "we'll take this one".

4. Two bedrooms is not enough when you are a pain-in-the-arse nit-picker like me.

5. When our car has no stereo I sing the following songs:

Heartbeats - Jose Gonzales (by way of Royksopp, I know)
Stickshifts and Safetybelts - Cake
Lies - Fleetwood Mac
Peaches - Presidents of the United States of America*
Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps - insert lounge artist here, my preferred version by Doris Day


* I think everyone sings that when they're relocating to a rural area. It's like a law or something. I'm surprised the Vic Government didn't go with that as their theme song for 'Make It Happen' actually.

10 Things I Know About Me

1. I am currently on what I have referred to as a "Classics jag" (although I used that terminology last time I was in Borders and the woman looked at me like I was a psycho). In the last two months I have bought my own copies of:

• Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
• The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde
• Tom Sawyer - Mark Twain
• Room with a View - E.M. Forster
• In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
• Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
• The Twelve Caesars - Tacitus
• A Passage to India - E.M. Forster
• The Autobiography of Malcolm X - Malcolm X

I'm not sure if my selection means anything. But there is not a book on that list that I didn't enjoy, so that's positive!

2. I've discovered/realised, after it was pointed out to me by a (relatively) new friend that I have the ability to make people laugh. Sometimes this is achieved by poking fun at other people, sometimes at myself. I don't feel guilty about poking fun at other people. I figure my karma will probably being locked in a room with Benny Hill in whatever kind of afterlife there is.

3. I hate shoe-shopping. I like shoes, I just don't like the time and effort involved in trying on several pairs in ten different shops. I blame my mother. She hates it too, and I suspect it is genetic. I think this problem would be solved (as so many would) by an unlimited income.

4. I'm not sure if I want to have another child. Some days yes, some days no. It's fair to say that I didn't cope particularly well with the early days of motherhood.

5. Once I had the unfortunate experience of being slapped down very harshly in a public forum by some one who has a lot more authority than me. It really hurt, it still hurts, and I don't think I'll ever get over it (NB it wasn't the cause/corrs guy).

6. I am always very very pleased when people enjoy my recommendations: the most recent example of which is my sister's delight in San Sebastian, a little town on "the Spanish Riviera".

7. I often think twice about blogging about particular subjects on the basis that people might figure out whom I am in "real life". To the best of my knowledge, only a couple of people who know me offline read this blog, and I may tell more people about it as I'm leaving town as a means of keeping in touch...haven't quite decided about that yet.

8. I don't particularly like Michael Jackson, but I am a sucker for 'Can you feel it?' by the Jackson Five. I think it's the high-disco combination of string section and cheesy guitar riff. Also my friend J. and I agreed many years ago, "bells make everything funky" - many an irredeemable song has been vastly improved by the judicious use of a cowbell or three.

9. Like Ms Batville, my favourite colour is purple.

10. Despite my excitement about moving and starting a new job I am pretty scared about finding somewhere decent to live and the upheaval that this kind of move involves.

GW

Accidents....happen on the train*

Melbourne-ites will remember the massive rainfall in our dear, sweet city on Thursday morning. It was glorious if you are a farmer (not many of those in the inner city, unless you mean those kind of farmers). If you are a commuter with no umbrella, it was not so pleasant.

I was wearing that day, my fabulous red leather, inch-heel mary-jane style shoes. I bought them about six years ago and they are wonderful. Even though they are red, they go with pretty much everything, and because the heel isn't too high, you can run in them (if you feel so inclined).

On Thursday however, these shoes were my undoing.

In the rain, I jogged (carefully) along the path towards Rushall Station and then walked into the underpass thinking there was a slight possibility I could make the train that was pulling into the station.

A second later I was on the ground in intense pain. Somehow (I'm still not sure exactly what happened) I slipped and landed with full force on my left knee. I investigated it very cursorily, then got to my feet with a few sobs and groans** and limped my way up to the station.

By this stage I was prepared to miss the train, that way I could sit down and have a good old bawl. But no, through my choked grizzling while purchasing a ticket and the validation of same, the train did not move. I was therefore obliged to get on it. And even more, obliged to pull myself together, you know, for the benefit of the other commuters.

As the train crawled towards the city I could feel blood running down my leg, but as I was wearing a skirt that fell below my knee, I decided not to inspect the wound until I had arrived at work and could make a full diagnosis.

The minute I walked into the office, I flipped the bottom hem of my skirt up and said to my co-worker, "Hey, check this out, I have hurt my knee really badly!"

Sadly, we will now have to find some money in the OH&S budget to provide her with counselling, as there was a large flap of skin hanging off my knee, badly ripped tights and an unnerving amount of blood.

Because she is a complete legend, she immediately volunteered to run to the chemist and provide me with antiseptic, enormous plasters and a new pair of tights. She is indeed a rock star***.

However, the net result has been a hobble in my step for the past three days that is extraordinarily irritating and somewhat painful.

It's not surprising to me to learn there is no way to get a three-year-old to remember not to touch you on the knee, although it is painful.

Further, the "modesty panels" on desks and most table legs are really stupidly placed if you have an injured leg.

And also, Dettol now exists in a formula that doesn't sting.

HOW DO I KNOW IT IS WORKING IF IT DOESN'T HURT?

HAVE GENERATIONS OF PARENTS BEEN UNNECCESSARILY TORTURING THEIR CHILDREN?

Probably.



* with apologies to Deborah Conway.

** A note to the two passers-by who didn't even ask how I was, may you develop UNFORTUNATE FACIAL SORES on an OCCASION THAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU.

***Merely a turn of phrase, although I'm sure that if she chose to, she would be an excellent rock star.

Oh. My. God.

I have just, after seven years in the same job......

GOT A NEW ONE.

And it is ace. And the working conditions are perfect.

The job involves moving three hours away (or, as my parents like to consider it, three hours TOWARDS them).

And they're going to give me money to move there.

And....oh......................everything.

Now the psychotic creation of "to do" lists begins....