I'm standing here, on the ground...
Welcome to the third instalment of "the wedding series". Again, part instruction, part history, here are some choice moments that I wouldn't have expected forming a challenging part of my wedding experience.
Things you might choose to be prepared for at the “reception”
1. Seeing an incredibly tall friend and a very short friend dancing together…this Twin Peaks style-tableau will be burned into your brain for the rest of your life
2. The wedding band which comprises a group of your friends deciding that a really romantic song to play at your wedding is INXS’ ‘Don’t Change’. I suppose I don’t disagree with this per se, but it still seems a little bit odd to me. Especially considering the whole 80s Crowded House vs INXS thing, and the fact that I think I have made it clear over the course of my life which camp I am in on that one (hint: not INXS).
3. The repeated use of the phrase “wife”.
4. Fabulous food that you eat not one morsel of, despite your dear friends loading up several plates for you, and completely negating the time and effort you put into making sure that the menu was “just right” (for you). It’s useful to make sure that the place you are staying has an in-room breakfast provision (better would be room service, but they don’t tend to have that at pubs masquerading as B and Bs), so you can make sixteen pieces of toast when you get there.
5. Males friends asking your “husband”’s* permission to dance with you. And I’m talking disco dancing, not Chris de Burgh, ‘Lady in Red’ style.
6. Your dad’s friend getting half your coolsie friends completely ripped on an opium-laced joint that he thoughtfully prepared for the assembled congregation. Mr Fix got wise (he got some eyes?) and having been through this experience before limited his intake. This didn’t stop our friends marvelling at his ability to wield a knife while on cake-cutting duties later that night.
7. Your ex-boyfriend getting completely blind and spending fifteen minutes telling you, no really, TELLING YOU, what an AWESOME WEDDING you’ve had and how much he REALLY LOVES YOU GUYS and how much better your wedding is than THE OTHER TWO WEDDINGS HE HAS BEEN TO THIS YEAR, NO REALLY, NO REALLY….(Grandpa Simpsons-style narcolepsy ensues….everyone breathes a sigh of relief)**.
8. Your sister’s dog almost collapsing under the weight of assembled bones and tid-bits fed to him by the 70 wedding guests who saw him and ‘felt sorry for him”**
9. Finding out, the next week, that the cricket club didn’t really appreciate your friends doing donuts on their oval later that night while playing Regurgitator really loud on the car stereo and leaning out the window/chopping up the cricket pitch.
10. Arriving at aforementioned hall the next day to find one of your friends curled up with his head on a blue-stone block for a pillow and cuddling a twelve-litre bladder from a red wine cask.
Coming next: Ten reasons why your wedding is not about you
* It’s been nine years. I still very very rarely use the word “husband” to describe Mr Fix. And I’m not a huge fan of “wife” either. Is anyone else wondering why we got married (we didn’t have a toaster - after our wedding, we had two! Score!)
** I read with amusement INCraig’s comment in relation to my last instalment. We invited a couple of ex’s to our wedding, but only the ones with whom we are still on good terms, so no need for punching-out from anyone. There was possibly a close-run with another group of friends where couples had split and re-matched, but we were too busy feeling bathed in the love of one another to bother about any of that crap.
Things you might choose to be prepared for at the “reception”
1. Seeing an incredibly tall friend and a very short friend dancing together…this Twin Peaks style-tableau will be burned into your brain for the rest of your life
2. The wedding band which comprises a group of your friends deciding that a really romantic song to play at your wedding is INXS’ ‘Don’t Change’. I suppose I don’t disagree with this per se, but it still seems a little bit odd to me. Especially considering the whole 80s Crowded House vs INXS thing, and the fact that I think I have made it clear over the course of my life which camp I am in on that one (hint: not INXS).
3. The repeated use of the phrase “wife”.
4. Fabulous food that you eat not one morsel of, despite your dear friends loading up several plates for you, and completely negating the time and effort you put into making sure that the menu was “just right” (for you). It’s useful to make sure that the place you are staying has an in-room breakfast provision (better would be room service, but they don’t tend to have that at pubs masquerading as B and Bs), so you can make sixteen pieces of toast when you get there.
5. Males friends asking your “husband”’s* permission to dance with you. And I’m talking disco dancing, not Chris de Burgh, ‘Lady in Red’ style.
6. Your dad’s friend getting half your coolsie friends completely ripped on an opium-laced joint that he thoughtfully prepared for the assembled congregation. Mr Fix got wise (he got some eyes?) and having been through this experience before limited his intake. This didn’t stop our friends marvelling at his ability to wield a knife while on cake-cutting duties later that night.
7. Your ex-boyfriend getting completely blind and spending fifteen minutes telling you, no really, TELLING YOU, what an AWESOME WEDDING you’ve had and how much he REALLY LOVES YOU GUYS and how much better your wedding is than THE OTHER TWO WEDDINGS HE HAS BEEN TO THIS YEAR, NO REALLY, NO REALLY….(Grandpa Simpsons-style narcolepsy ensues….everyone breathes a sigh of relief)**.
8. Your sister’s dog almost collapsing under the weight of assembled bones and tid-bits fed to him by the 70 wedding guests who saw him and ‘felt sorry for him”**
9. Finding out, the next week, that the cricket club didn’t really appreciate your friends doing donuts on their oval later that night while playing Regurgitator really loud on the car stereo and leaning out the window/chopping up the cricket pitch.
10. Arriving at aforementioned hall the next day to find one of your friends curled up with his head on a blue-stone block for a pillow and cuddling a twelve-litre bladder from a red wine cask.
Coming next: Ten reasons why your wedding is not about you
* It’s been nine years. I still very very rarely use the word “husband” to describe Mr Fix. And I’m not a huge fan of “wife” either. Is anyone else wondering why we got married (we didn’t have a toaster - after our wedding, we had two! Score!)
** I read with amusement INCraig’s comment in relation to my last instalment. We invited a couple of ex’s to our wedding, but only the ones with whom we are still on good terms, so no need for punching-out from anyone. There was possibly a close-run with another group of friends where couples had split and re-matched, but we were too busy feeling bathed in the love of one another to bother about any of that crap.
posted by gigglewick at
3:48 pm
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