The birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees
I’m intrigued by this story, where a parent says that she was shocked to learn that her daughter was taught the words “penis” and “vagina” at kinder. The parent also says that her daughter had some boys put their hands down her pants, and that in response she "bashed them".
Leaving the second part of the story aside, this incident is curious to me for a number of reasons. Firstly, I would prefer that Grizzlewick use the correct terminology. Somewhere along the lines, Grizzlewick has picked up the word “prestons*”. “Prestons” is a stand-in for “testicles”. I think that he probably mis-heard the word at some stage (in much the same way he insists that Ned Flanders’ name is “Planners”) and stubbornly will not be told that he has the wrong word (in either case).
Secondly, I’m wondering how you could have a child with two older siblings get to the age of four and not have them acquainted with the variety of body parts. I mean, I try to close the bathroom door and everything, but really, do you think it isn’t endlessly fascinating for my son that I don’t have a “peeny”? Or that I’m not endlessly trying to retreat from the fact that, in a fit of stupidity, Mr Fix told him that sanitary pads were “mummy’s nappies”**?
Thirdly, I think it is contingent on both kinders and parents to have some kind of conversation about it - I understand the desire for parents to give consent where these things are concerned. But I'm also reasonably confident that this was a "sex education" course that included nothing more detailed than the naming of body parts and a bit of self-preservation instruction about stranger-danger.
Meanwhile, I have spent the last few months answering the following questions, among many others**:
“How does the baby grow? Is it like a balloon?”
“What does it eat?”
“But how does the baby get in there, mummy?”
“Why would it be a girl or a boy?”
“Where does it come out?”
Arguing that these issues don’t need to be addressed until Grade Six or Year Seven is to condemn yourself to seven additional years of:
a) maintaining some kind of fiction about the name and purpose of said body parts
b) allowing your child to be intentionally or unintentionally misled about said body parts and their purpose, mostly by other children, some of whom have scant knowledge indeed
c) humming loudly and feigning deafness every time the issue is raised
d) telling your kids to “ask your father/nana/mailman”
So why not consider option:
e) having a frank and open discussion with your kids when they raise the issue (something which people struggle with. Even me, and I don’t really have a problem with Grizzlewick knowing these things)
As some one who didn’t have school-based sex education until I was older, I’m here to tell you that NOT discussing it certainly didn’t stop a couple of boys in Grade Five terrorising the girls in Grade Two and below at my school with their immature appendages. A bit of “don’t put it where it doesn’t belong” wouldn’t have gone astray there, methinks.
Does information equal immunisation? I'd like to think so, and that's one of the reasons that we talk in our house not about sex per se, but about the difference between a "surprise" and a "secret", and how it's perfectly fine to tell people when you don't like something that they are doing - whatever it might be.
On the more specific issue of sex education, I'm not about to let Grizzlewick watch porn or anything, but I really would prefer that if he’s going to learn about the facts of life, he’s going to learn the facts, not some second-hand, “if you sit on a stove with a girl she can get pregnant but hey, you can stick your penis in anyone you like and as long as it isn't a full moon you'll be fine” crap in the schoolyard.
What do other parents (and non parents) think about this? I'm well aware many of us here have smaller kids - how have those of you with older kids dealt with it?
* Lucky we don't live in Melbourne any more, or I'd have some explaining to do when Grizzlewick discovered we lived in the testicles of the city.
** Let’s not discount the possibility here that in fact Mr Fix was being DELIBERATELY MISCHIEVOUS in a way that only men would ever contemplate when discussing the vagaries of the female reproductive system.
*** Still not pregnant, or aspiring to be so. Just in case you’re wondering.
Leaving the second part of the story aside, this incident is curious to me for a number of reasons. Firstly, I would prefer that Grizzlewick use the correct terminology. Somewhere along the lines, Grizzlewick has picked up the word “prestons*”. “Prestons” is a stand-in for “testicles”. I think that he probably mis-heard the word at some stage (in much the same way he insists that Ned Flanders’ name is “Planners”) and stubbornly will not be told that he has the wrong word (in either case).
Secondly, I’m wondering how you could have a child with two older siblings get to the age of four and not have them acquainted with the variety of body parts. I mean, I try to close the bathroom door and everything, but really, do you think it isn’t endlessly fascinating for my son that I don’t have a “peeny”? Or that I’m not endlessly trying to retreat from the fact that, in a fit of stupidity, Mr Fix told him that sanitary pads were “mummy’s nappies”**?
Thirdly, I think it is contingent on both kinders and parents to have some kind of conversation about it - I understand the desire for parents to give consent where these things are concerned. But I'm also reasonably confident that this was a "sex education" course that included nothing more detailed than the naming of body parts and a bit of self-preservation instruction about stranger-danger.
Meanwhile, I have spent the last few months answering the following questions, among many others**:
“How does the baby grow? Is it like a balloon?”
“What does it eat?”
“But how does the baby get in there, mummy?”
“Why would it be a girl or a boy?”
“Where does it come out?”
Arguing that these issues don’t need to be addressed until Grade Six or Year Seven is to condemn yourself to seven additional years of:
a) maintaining some kind of fiction about the name and purpose of said body parts
b) allowing your child to be intentionally or unintentionally misled about said body parts and their purpose, mostly by other children, some of whom have scant knowledge indeed
c) humming loudly and feigning deafness every time the issue is raised
d) telling your kids to “ask your father/nana/mailman”
So why not consider option:
e) having a frank and open discussion with your kids when they raise the issue (something which people struggle with. Even me, and I don’t really have a problem with Grizzlewick knowing these things)
As some one who didn’t have school-based sex education until I was older, I’m here to tell you that NOT discussing it certainly didn’t stop a couple of boys in Grade Five terrorising the girls in Grade Two and below at my school with their immature appendages. A bit of “don’t put it where it doesn’t belong” wouldn’t have gone astray there, methinks.
Does information equal immunisation? I'd like to think so, and that's one of the reasons that we talk in our house not about sex per se, but about the difference between a "surprise" and a "secret", and how it's perfectly fine to tell people when you don't like something that they are doing - whatever it might be.
On the more specific issue of sex education, I'm not about to let Grizzlewick watch porn or anything, but I really would prefer that if he’s going to learn about the facts of life, he’s going to learn the facts, not some second-hand, “if you sit on a stove with a girl she can get pregnant but hey, you can stick your penis in anyone you like and as long as it isn't a full moon you'll be fine” crap in the schoolyard.
What do other parents (and non parents) think about this? I'm well aware many of us here have smaller kids - how have those of you with older kids dealt with it?
* Lucky we don't live in Melbourne any more, or I'd have some explaining to do when Grizzlewick discovered we lived in the testicles of the city.
** Let’s not discount the possibility here that in fact Mr Fix was being DELIBERATELY MISCHIEVOUS in a way that only men would ever contemplate when discussing the vagaries of the female reproductive system.
*** Still not pregnant, or aspiring to be so. Just in case you’re wondering.
posted by gigglewick at
5:27 pm
9 Comments:
Hi- I don't think I've ever commented before, although I've been reading in Reader for quite a while.
I've spent the better part of this afternoon writing a post on this myself (and it's ended up really long). I don't have children, but I don't think that invalidates my opinions- although some on the news.com.au page would suggest otherwise.
Essentially, I agree with you- children are going to be curious, and they're going to learn about things like genitals whether we teach them or not. I would much prefer they're taught the correct information at age appropriate stages than pick up bits and pieces of innaccurate information along the way. I also think that turning genitals into a taboo topic, not to ever be discussed with children, is a very dangerous thing to do, as it has the potential to make any children that are touched innappropriately even more likely to not speak out about it.
I haven't posted my post yet, but I will be later in the evening.
http://anthersentimentalaside.wordpress.com
I'm with you on the correct naming. Why call anything a woowoo? What's wrong with the words penis and vagina anyway? I just take that approach that if they ask I tell them the truth, in the simplest way - they are too young for technicalities at this stage. I'm not sitting down having sex ed talks with my kids (all aged under 10) but i I want to whinge about the cost of tampons and period pains they may as well why.
And I think discussions about boundaries are really important. I have a very, very strong memory of an older boy at school being overly curious when I was in prep, it still creeps me out and what's worse he recently facebooked me. Thank God for the IGNORE and BLOCK options.
I'm still at the stage of trying to stop my nine month old climbing in to the toilet bowl while I'm urinating. I'm sure I'll have some more insight in a few years, but for now, 'Tell 'em the truth,' I say!
My biggest problem is not my willingness to discuss certain things with my 13yr old daughter, but her willingness to listen. She's always found this sort of stuff to be excruciatingly embarrassing, so I usually try and corner her when we're in the car together and say something like, "I don't care what you think you know, but you're going to listen anyway...". I know that she does take it in & go away and thing about stuff, so my ambush approach is effective, sometimes.
As to sex ed., as a grade 1 class teacher I don't personally do this stuff, but I have been in my classroom while the personal development specialist teacher has been doing her lessons and she is very, very good at what she does too. But let me tell you, I don't her envy her job at all. 6yr olds find words like 'penis' and 'vagina' very, very funny let me you - so basic sex ed (that is, frank & official naming of body parts) is great in theory but hard to do in practise. I must admit - despite having all the permission notes filled in - I was waiting for some parent to come up and complain to me about words like 'vulva' being used and labeled in the classroom, but it never happened, which was encouraging.
As far as I can remember, my parents never did the 'sex talk' thing, and I'm sure formal sex education didn't start until high school.
It's mildly surprising that I managed to have children, really. Still, since I do, I agree withthe general tell the truth and don't turn the topic into some big taboo type of approach.
However, I refuse to deal with it until they are both potty trained.
i never ever had the sex talk with my parents. everything i learned i got it from the school yard and Dolly. im pretty sure i know all the facts now but im still not going to sit on a stove with a boy no matter what anyone tells me!
hmmm... where did my long and interesting comment go, I wonder...
Bloody Blogger.
Can't be arsed writing it again.
Oh, but I will say that in the House of B, those *things* of which you speak are referred to as 'mummy's Band Aids'.
Which I guess they kinda are...
I'm with you - since when is knowledge a bad thing for kids?
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home