Reasons you might hate me

Some have expressed the disbelief that I could cause another person to hate. You guys are lovely. But it’s worth noting that I’m pretty sure there is a whole league of people organised almost singly with the hating of me (or people like me) in mind.

So, one of Mr Fix’s relatives really, really dislikes me. This wasn’t immediately apparent (she was able to keep herself nice to my face for about three months).

And because I can be remarkably respectful, especially where other people’s families are concerned, I have let it go on for years and years without saying anything. More fool me, etc, etc. But they’re not my family, and it’s been hard to break the hoodoo that I am somehow beholden to offer them respect, even when they show nothing of the sort to me.

So here, readers, is the Abrasive Aunt best six reasons to hate me

1. I have Chinese relatives
Apparently Abrasive spent some time poring over our engagement party photos trying to work out what nationality my father was. Then she didn’t come to our wedding (these two things may or may not be related – I’ve never been able to work it out). She’s also very fond of the slang “Vietnamatta”. My dad is half-Chinese. His family have been in the country longer than any of my European relatives. But even if my Dad was friggin' Chairman Mao, dude WTF? Since when is this a character flaw?

2. I’m a horrible feminist and possibly a lesbian
Abrasive thinks she is a feminist. She thinks she is a feminist because “a lesbian threw a beer at me once”. I don’t know how she joined the two. We had a gentle conversation about that once, but I’ve never been able to figure out her logic on that one. I am an active member of a women’s organisation Abrasive didn’t approve of. So, you know, tarnished for life there. She also seems to think that it's impossible to think that women have, and historically have had, a pretty raw deal without being a man-hater. I seem to manage it okay, but also you know, some days I don't wear lipstick, so I'm sure as far as Abrasive is concerned, anything is possible*.....

3. I’m possibly planning the violent Left overthrow of the government
Apparently the only person who deserves to lead the country is John Howard, because, as she pointed out loudly at a dinner party one night to my neighbouring guest, “AT LEAST HE’S HAD A REAL JOB, unlike Kim BEAZLEY”**. Ouch! She really got me there! I guess me and my lefty mates had best scuttle back to our caves and grow in some more dreadlocks.

4. I talk too much about myself
In 2001, shortly before my first ever trip overseas, Abrasive came to my MiL’s place for dinner. One of my MiL’s friends asked me what I was doing while in Europe. I started to answer her, before being interrupted by Abrasive looking straight at me, then turning back to her daughter and saying “OH BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA! Like ANYONE is interested in what she is saying!”. I was deeply, deeply shocked and hurt by this. I didn't see it coming, and I certainly didn't know how to handle it.

5. I have deliberately taken up with the black sheep of the family who is now married, running a successful small business and the father to our lovely Grizzlewick
Clearly I have done this to spite her two children and cruel her grandmotherly ambitions. She has not been happy about the stability in my marriage, nor in Mr Fix's life since my arrival in it, especially when contrast to her kids. I would argue that this is pretty unfair, considering how insanely young Mr Fix and I got married. We are the exception, not the rule for our peer group. But it’s fair to say that she waxes and wanes with Mr Fix also. Once at a family gathering, Mr Fix was expressing his support for 50kmh speed zones. She responded, “Yes, but you would Mr Fix, because you’re just WEIRD”. No irony. No cheeky grin. Deadpan delivery worthy of William Hurt.

6. I hate her
I actually don’t. But I’ve probably had a stricken look on my face when she has made one of the twenty-odd deeply upsetting things she’s managed over the course of our “relationship”. And after the “bla bla bla” incident (which was followed by four phone calls the next day from other members of the family to apologise for her behaviour), I did start to avoid her for a while.


Some people keep little diaries of the funny things their kids say. I’ve been tempted to keep a log of the offensive things Abrasive has said. But seeing as I find it difficult to hold a grudge (no willpower), I guess I just never got around to it. I was hoping that she might roll out some gold-class insult on the weekend, but it didn't eventuate. I was ready, for the first time in my life, to stand up for myself. And then she was completely civil.

What a wheel-chock.

* As well as thinking that all people of Asian background are in some way evil druggies, she also seems to think that you can "pick a lesbian a mile off" by physical appearance and ability to complete home repairs.

* For the record, never a fan of Kim Beazley.