If you're going to rest a drink on Lenin's tomb, for chrissakes use a coaster
Ah the baby boomers. Everyone’s got it in for them really. But I reckon where Ryan Heath and his ilk are having trouble is that they are trying to take the wrong things away from baby boomers. I think he needs to carefully reconsider his strategy. I don’t want to take the power and jobs away from baby boomers*, I just want their cash.
More importantly, I have a dream.
I dream of a day when newly-imbued-with-the-idealism-of-their-youth-only-now-cashed-up-from-their-seven-investment-properties baby boomers will be able to enjoy what I like to call the “Frozen Leaders of Former Communist States” tour.
Adventure tourism is a big industry these days, and I plan to exploit this growing trend with socio-political tourism.
The tour will be led by Philip Adams and possibly Richard Neville, and takes willing adventurers on an unforgettable tour of the glass-case resting places of former communist leaders.
Think about it – it’s an awesome round-the-world trip.
You start in Vietnam and pay homage to our dear Uncle Ho, before stopping to stock up on several kilos of silk scarves and lacquerware. Eat your way through 20 kilos of the most awesome food you’ve ever had.
From Vietnam, you’re off to China to celebrate years of peaceful egalitarian peasant workaday life unimpeded by the presence of capitalism (except for all that neon and the free trade zones). Visit the resting place of Mao, ride a much celebrated Chinese bicycle and try to avoid being a victim of the 1,000 car accidents a day in Chinese cities.
Fly to Russia, and experience the grandeur and majesty of old Europe, as well as the delightfully proletariat housing estates. After visiting the tomb of Lenin, grab yourself some ex-army surplus (everything from war medals to rocket launchers!) and it’s back on the plane to Cuba.
Cuba (death of political leader pending) is the end of the trip, and rightly so. It’s a party country, people. It has everything: idealistic socialism (with only a few shootings by the military police) AND the Buena Vista Social Club! Okay, so you can’t get Mercurochrome, but you can’t get it here either, so that’s no reason not to go.
The trip ends with participants hacking the side off a wooden crate and trying their luck with the sharks and coastguard as they attempt to reintegrate to capitalist society in the Florida Keys.
Travel in the relative luxury of a private plane (a completely private DC-3, sitting on wooden pallets for that authentic cold-war experience, eating out of a thoughtfully provided bucket-o-chow).
A souvenir bag including
- Che Guevara underpants
- Mao-style jacket/hat
- Lenin/Lennon glasses
- Cuban cigars
- MP3 player featuring a variety of music from 'Purple Haze' to 'Ride of the Valkyries'
will be provided free of charge to each traveller.
Of course, cost is the only area this trip isn’t communist.
All that chardonnay doesn’t buy itself you know.
More importantly, I have a dream.
I dream of a day when newly-imbued-with-the-idealism-of-their-youth-only-now-cashed-up-from-their-seven-investment-properties baby boomers will be able to enjoy what I like to call the “Frozen Leaders of Former Communist States” tour.
Adventure tourism is a big industry these days, and I plan to exploit this growing trend with socio-political tourism.
The tour will be led by Philip Adams and possibly Richard Neville, and takes willing adventurers on an unforgettable tour of the glass-case resting places of former communist leaders.
Think about it – it’s an awesome round-the-world trip.
You start in Vietnam and pay homage to our dear Uncle Ho, before stopping to stock up on several kilos of silk scarves and lacquerware. Eat your way through 20 kilos of the most awesome food you’ve ever had.
From Vietnam, you’re off to China to celebrate years of peaceful egalitarian peasant workaday life unimpeded by the presence of capitalism (except for all that neon and the free trade zones). Visit the resting place of Mao, ride a much celebrated Chinese bicycle and try to avoid being a victim of the 1,000 car accidents a day in Chinese cities.
Fly to Russia, and experience the grandeur and majesty of old Europe, as well as the delightfully proletariat housing estates. After visiting the tomb of Lenin, grab yourself some ex-army surplus (everything from war medals to rocket launchers!) and it’s back on the plane to Cuba.
Cuba (death of political leader pending) is the end of the trip, and rightly so. It’s a party country, people. It has everything: idealistic socialism (with only a few shootings by the military police) AND the Buena Vista Social Club! Okay, so you can’t get Mercurochrome, but you can’t get it here either, so that’s no reason not to go.
The trip ends with participants hacking the side off a wooden crate and trying their luck with the sharks and coastguard as they attempt to reintegrate to capitalist society in the Florida Keys.
Travel in the relative luxury of a private plane (a completely private DC-3, sitting on wooden pallets for that authentic cold-war experience, eating out of a thoughtfully provided bucket-o-chow).
A souvenir bag including
- Che Guevara underpants
- Mao-style jacket/hat
- Lenin/Lennon glasses
- Cuban cigars
- MP3 player featuring a variety of music from 'Purple Haze' to 'Ride of the Valkyries'
will be provided free of charge to each traveller.
Of course, cost is the only area this trip isn’t communist.
All that chardonnay doesn’t buy itself you know.
posted by gigglewick at
1:37 pm
8 Comments:
I don't really have a lot to add, I'm afraid, other than to say that I might just take a weekend away in Adelaide which sounds like pretty much the same thing. I just wanted to ask what footnote you had in mind for “I don’t want to take the power and jobs away from baby boomers*.” You usually take such enthusiastic care with your footnotes.
Harpo,
Yes, yes I do.
the footnote is supposed to read:
* Okay, I do.
So there you go - just for you and anyone else enthusiastic enough to read the comments.
I would argue it's nothing like a weekend in Adelaide. A trip to Adelaide doesn't make your ears bleed, and in most cases I'm betting you don't get free* underpants.
* did I say free? I meant "absorbed into the cost of the package".
It's lucky that I was enthusiastic enough to read the comments. I have thus avoided a day of bewilderment.
No one has ever offerred me free underpants in Adelaide, but maybe this means I just need to search harder next time I am there.
And the actual post itself was utter genius.
You had me up to the chardonnay bit.
Sheesh! Don't you know that SSB is the new chardonnay for the cashed-up BBs?
INCraig,
I think we need more information from our Adelaide-ian friends about sources of free* underpants.
ActonB,
Duly noted.
Also: have been thinking that perhaps this is also a trip we could market to young professionals/the politically aspirational student left - except the tour would be led by IOYC.
Y'know - if you caught me on the rebound from Tim Blair's site, I'd be happy to sign up for this tour. Dodgy wines notwithstanding...
Will G&T's and imported beer be supplied during these tours? The gin better be Bombay Sapphire or better (if there is such a thing).
I have (some rather beloved) older rellies who would sign up for this tour in a heartbeat. They pretend to have their tongues planted firmly in cheek when they address their uni buddies as 'Comrade', but I know the truth!!
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